Moody Days -A playlist for 2019s bad days

Moody Days -A playlist for 2019s bad days

mood. mood. mood.

Just because everything’s changing

Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light

The Call – Regina Spector

The end of 2018 was a mess. The animation course at uni is amazing but exhausting and by December our class was drained of energy. I felt like I was at the end of my rope when it came to creativity and I just needed out. For a little while at least.

So I moved back to Mettmenstetten for a while. I spent Christmas at home with my family. I visited my grandparents. New Years Eve was quiet but full of genuine laughter, board games and the same old friends. New Years Day was an equally lovely afternoon at Kim’s. Life was slow but good.

All the while I kept working on my short film for my 2D animation module. But the fire was gone. I struggled with myself for not being enthusiastic about studying anymore. More and more I found myself telling people about all the negative things that I experienced and purposefully leaving out all the amazing parts. When I started studying art history at the University of Zurich I wrote “Today was my first day of university. I absolutely hated it.” into my diary. When I moved to Lucerne and started university this summer, all I could think of was how blessed and happy I was. How much work I’d put into getting there and how much I’d wanted it.

It took half a year for me to burn out and four days to rekindle the fire.

I’ll be honest with you. Studying full time and working part time is exhausting. To have both an amazing side job and being allowed to follow my passion isn’t something I take for granted and I count my lucky stars every day. Still – it’s hard work and I often long for a few days off. I study on weekdays and work on the weekends. I don’t mind it. Somehow, I still manage to see my friends often enough and live my life. It’s just rare I get to take a break and breathe.

When Nicola suggested a trip to the mountains I said yes immediately. He booked it for the beginning of January and by the time 2018 came to an end, I was anxiously waiting for it to be time to pack my bags and go.
I left my laptop at home and brought only my iPad and Camera. We spent four days in a Hotel in Kiental, which pretty much equates to the middle of nowhere, and binge watched Neflix. We were the only guests at the only hotel in town. There wasn’t much snow, but we made the best of it and took some gorgeous pictures. The cold, dry air and the high, bare mountains stirred something in me. Somehow, all my creative juices came flowing back and my imagination bloomed.

I don’t know if the next three years of studying will be as isolated as the first semester was and whether I’ll need to get away ever so often to rekindle my passion. But I do know that whatever happens I’ll follow my fire and chase my enthusiasm until I catch up with it again. I owe it to myself to make all things with the full capacity of love my heart can muster. God knows, that’s the only way the hard work will pay off.  

If you ever have bad days that feel like January and cold, bare winter here’s a playlist for you.

Pictures from Kiental taken with 35mm film. #filmsnotdead

Kiental, Januar 2019. 

February in Mettmenstetten, 2019.

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